The nervousness and anxiety you make me feel is crazy. This only means that you’ve somehow managed to have a hold on me and I’m not too sure how that happened. The apathy I sense on your part only attracts me more. It’s something I’m not used to. Why don’t you send me tons of text messages like the other boys do? Why can’t I seem to keep your attention? Why do I get tongue tied whenever I encounter you? I don’t really want to know the answers to these questions, it would just frustrate me further. I’m not sure how I’d feel if you just started to change — if you actually wanted me. I don’t want to say that I’d grow bored and no longer want you, but that’s how it’s always been. I’ve always been in it for the chase.

I have no reason to want you so badly. Technically, I’ve already had you, but I can’t get enough. I constantly want you. I want to know you, talk to you, tell you things, learn about the way you think, listen to your music, have you ask me questions, watch serious films, touch your face, hear your sarcastic remarks, just lay with you — everything. Sitting in class, staring at you, makes me so anxious and I’ve honestly been tempted to walk up to you in the middle of class to invite you to do something. That’s the only place I feel I can. The rest of the time, you’re with your friends or you’re out of reach. Nothing angers me more than knowing you don’t want me even remotely close to the way I want you. What do I have to do to deepen your interest?

notes